How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
