Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
