I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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