I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
