If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
