I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
