I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
