yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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