Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
