If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
