so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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