no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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