hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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