my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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