I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
