I love black thongs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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