I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
