I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
