Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
