After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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