its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
