your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
