Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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