Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
