Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
