Sponge bath it is.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
