Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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