i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
