I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
