he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
