I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
