i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
