I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
