"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
