Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
