he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
