There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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