I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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