i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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