Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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