It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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