Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
