I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
