I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
