You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
