I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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