you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And then he peed in my hair
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