Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
