Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
