The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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