Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
